well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's rum buckets o'clock
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
