does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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