Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Pooping to opera.
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