I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
