I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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