My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
