No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
