fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
