she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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