Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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