So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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