So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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