So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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