i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
