Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
