hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
