I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
