We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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