Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have so many feelings about this burrito
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
