they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
