Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just cropdusted the office
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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