You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
