Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
