he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
