I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
