last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
