I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Enjoy the penises
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
