i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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