Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
