If that was your dad, he is hot
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
