Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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