Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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