How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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