I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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