why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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