You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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