I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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