I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
