Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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