dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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