I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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