Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
