I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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