Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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