Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
