This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Ketchup is God's man juice
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
