Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
