I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
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I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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