I can tuck mytits in my pants
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
