I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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