I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
