Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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