just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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