Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
where are my eyebrows?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
