he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
last night I used snow as a chaser
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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