just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
