u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
