I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
