I'm eating all of the evidence.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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