you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
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didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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