Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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