PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
