I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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