I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dicks are not precious.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
