also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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