PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize