she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
