There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
