Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
false alarm, still single
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
