I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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