Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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