Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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