True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
how does that bad decision feel?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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