3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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