It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
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I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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